RANDOM COLOUR EXPLOSION!

Dirty Little Secrets

Hey guys. I don't even know who I'm talking to anymore. Most likely myself still. Had school today...it being a Wednesday and all. Only had three lessons though. Found out English results...not so good. Poem comparison I don't know whether I got 4/25 or 14/25. I'm hoping it's the latter. I love that word. Latter. I have no idea what it means though. Story was ok I guess. 21/25. I could have done better if I put it into paragraphs. But I really hate paragraphs and it really didn't occur to me to use them. I mean what's the point of them. It's a blank space. Aren't you meant to fill spaces with words? And even if I did put some of these magical spaces in you still read it the same. I also think I could have got a higher mark if I didn't spend my life on this damn computer. Stupid msn generation. Had some smoking talk too. About how bad it is and whatnot. I got the impression the guy wasn't getting throught to the few smokers in the group. But whatever it's their choice if they want to shorten their life. Is that a bad thing? Not to do anything about something although you know it should be done. I also know a few druggees but I never judge them. They are still my friends even if they ingest illegal substances. I just pray to God everyday for them all. Once their mind is made up nothing can stop these people. So I just go along with it. Of course it haunts me the fact that they could be screwed up later and I should be helping them. Truth is, you can't. It's sad really. I used to try to help before. Just little helpful suggestions here and there. I gave up completely about a year ago. When mother began smoking again after two years I begged and pleaded for her to stop. It was so painful just thinking about it. I was so proud of her for quitting and to find her sneaking one was just...horrible. I made her promise to stop and she did. But the next day I caught her again being given a cigarette. Or sticks of death as I like to call them. Knowing that I was going to have less time with her. I cried. I cried hard every day. She broke a promise to me. A promise that was going to help us both but she broke it. I imagined she managed to get more at work where I couldn't walk in on her. But it seemed every time I went downstairs I caught her. It was like God was telling me to do something. So I did what I could. I told my dad. He was concerned at first but soon let the issue go. I told my nan who was also shocked and told her to stop as well. Mother eventually tricked Nanny into believing she had quit for good. I tried to tell her she hadn't but it was no good. She got to the point where she had convinced herself that her daughter had quit probably telling herself over and over again. I know mother started because of depression over her granddad dying (r.i.p) but that still doesn't make it right. And because he smoked doesn't make it right for you to smoke either. So now both parents are in the garden every day killing themselves over a leaves wrapped up in paper. Oh joy. On the subject of drugs and such like I've also got an autie who's done every drug possible. Yes she is mental. Yes she is in love with Michael Jackson. And she's just had a baby girl. I feel sorry for the child. It's called Sydney, to me it's a chavvy name but she like's it so...But I just don't know what to say really. She seems alright now but if she goes over the top and starts doing drugs again what about her child? She looked so terrible when she went to rehab I wasn't allowed to see her. The father of the child, well, one night stand much. She's been in love with him all her life but it's never been mutual. Her brain is that of a 15 year old because that's probably when she started doing drugs. It's like she's my cousin not my 30 something aunt. I fear for her.

Oh look a paragraph!

I'm done with my DLS

More secrets later ;p Ms.Loco xoxo

Labels: dirty, drugs, little, msn, secret, smoking